Hi everyone, hope you’re having a good start to your week!
I’ve had many comment on how I have made two kids look so easy, and how much I’ve been able to get out. Truth is, I’m only a few weeks into this gig, and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. There’s a lot that you don’t see, and that’s obviously on purpose. I don’t want to showcase my tears or Nolan crying or Annabelle acting out. I share the fun things in hopes of always remembering those more than the hard times.
But today, I want to share the hard times. Behind every perfect picture is definitely hard times. I thought I’d share all the things you don’t see. I’m sure these will all change as time goes on, but for now.. here’s what has been going on behind the scenes in the Brown household.
Things You Don’t See:
- Me crying rocking Nolan wondering what’s wrong and why can’t he go to sleep on his own
- Shutting off my alarm hoping A sleeps longer so I can get a few more minutes of sleep
- Getting Annabelle up, turning on the TV and laying on the couch with my eyes shut because I just can’t fathom moving yet
- My sadness as I’m nursing Nolan and not doing fun things with A (this is more when Aaron is home or when we’re out places.)
- Not easily being able to go out with friends or having the same get up and go mentality when it comes to doing things
- Getting out of the house is comical and takes forever
- The time it takes to strategize getting out of the house and planning the perfect time to do it
- How annoying night sweats are. I wake up drenched some nights
- How badly I want to nap but kids are on opposite nap schedules so I push on
- When A goes to bed, I sometimes just sit on the couch feeling like all I did was say “No” all.day.long and genuinely feel bad about it
- How badly I want to exercise and just no time or energy
- The tears I cry to Aaron when kids are asleep on how I don’t know if I handled things well that day
- I feel SO sad when A wants me and I’m nursing Nolan
- Getting out of the house is needed for ME too
- Sometimes I wish I never left the house because a million things go wrong
- The in between postpartum time stinks when clothes just don’t fit and I just don’t feel like myself
- I’m glad you can’t see how dirty my house is since it hasn’t been really cleaned since before Nolan was born
- The thank you cards that still aren’t written
- Zero date nights have happened
- And finally, all the questioning. I question everything, and cry over a lot. Is he too hot? Too cold? Have gas? Am I eating something he doesn’t like? Should I stop drinking wine (just kidding- never thought this) did he eat enough? When does he need to nap? Will I be able to stay up and feed him his last feeding tonight? (Real life- I’m tired!)
So there you have it. As hard as it is, and how much each of the above is true, I would never trade it. I love my time with Annabelle, and I love already watching Nolan grow and show his personality. But there are plenty of hard times to go with each of the fun times. Totally worth it, but wanted to share!